The Taliban and the Jew

August 28, 2006 20068 11:10 pm | In Funny | Comments Off

Well, these days it's hard to escape the news about Lebanon but here's a joke to lighten up the day.

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the

Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find

a little old Jewish man sitting at a card table with neckties laid out on it.

The Arab asked, "My thirst is killing me. Do you have water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie?

They are only $150. This one goes very nicely with your robes."

The Arab shouted," Idiot! I do not need an overpriced tie. I need

Water!"

"OK," said the old Jew, "it does not matter that you do not want to buy

a tie. I will show you that you have not offended me. If you

Walk over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely

Restaurant. Go! Walk that way! The restaurant has all the water you

Need!"

The Arab staggered away toward the hill and eventually disappeared.

Four hours later the Arab came crawling back to where the Jewish man was

Sitting at his table.

The Jew said, "I told you, about two miles over that hill.

Could you not find it?"

"I found it all right," rasped the Arab. "Your brother won't let

Me in without a tie."

Donkey Trouble…

August 27, 2006 20068 7:45 am | In Funny | Comments Off

Good morning everyone! Here's an early one for you:

A pastor wanted to raise money for his church and, on being told there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to buy one and enter it in the races.

However, at the local auction, the going price for a horse was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead.

He thought that since he had it he might as well go ahead and entered it in the race and, much to his surprise, the donkey came in third.

The next day the local paper carried this headline:
PASTOR'S ASS SHOWS

The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he
Ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following Headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN

The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for ten dollars.
The next day, the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. Headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE

Bishop was buried the next day

Malaysia Inc.

August 26, 2006 20068 9:22 am | In Funny | Comments Off

A joke which is kinda true…

An Malaysian automobile company and a Country X auto company decided to have a competitive boat race on the Klang River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they were as ready as they could be. The Country X team won by a mile.

Afterwards, the Malaysian team became discouraged by the loss and their morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A Continuous Measurable Improvement Team of "Executives" was set up to investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective action. Their conclusion: The problem was that the Country X team had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, whereas the Malaysian team had 1 person rowing and 8 people steering.

The Malaysian Corporate Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm to do a study on the management structure. After some time and billions of dollars, the consulting firm concluded that "too many people were steering and not enough rowing." To prevent losing to the Country X again next year, the management structure was changed to "4 Steering Managers, 3 Area Steering Managers, and 1 Staff Steering Manager" and a new performance system for the person rowing the boat to give more incentive to work harder and become a six sigma performer. "We must give him empowerment and enrichment." That ought to do it.

The next year the Country X team won by two miles. The Malaysian Corporation laid off the rower for poor performance, sold all of the paddles, cancelled all capital investments for new equipment, halted development of a new canoe, awarded high performance awards to the consulting firm, and distributed the money saved as bonuses to the senior executives.

Two kids exchange experiences…

August 25, 2006 20068 2:50 pm | In Funny | 1 Comment

Almost 3 weeks since I'm back in M'sia. Where's the 8pm English news on national news channels? Isn't there an effort to boost the standard of English in M'sia? Also, what's with the obsessive reporting of Lebanon? Must they repeat those pictures/video footages for at least 5 minutes everyday - it won't be surprising if we see more terrorists from M'sia in the future.

Anyway, here's another joke for you guys:

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room.

The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"

The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."

The first kid says, You've got nothing to worry about.

I had that done when I was 4.

They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jelly and ice cream.

It's a breeze.

The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"

The first kid says, "A circumcision."

And the second kid says, "Whoa, Good luck buddy, I had that done when I was born.

Couldn't walk for a year."

My 1st blonde joke?

August 22, 2006 20068 10:21 am | In Funny | 3 Comments

Not much time to blog these days or even read jokes, so here's a blonde joke for you.

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road.
He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.
Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead.

The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.

She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.

"I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."

The blonde says, "Don't worry."

She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.

She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.

The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.

Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished.

He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"

The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.

It says, "Hair Spray. Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave."