Ju$t $end me a Card!

September 6, 2006 20069 2:45 pm | In Funny | 1 Comment

Wished I had the smarts to write my dad a letter like this when I was studying abroad:

Dear Father,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love,

Your $on

After receiving the letter, his father immediately replied by sending the following:

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,

Dad

Hypermarket wars!

September 4, 2006 20069 2:36 pm | In Funny | Comments Off

If you've seen/read about the recent hypermarket wars recently in USJ, there could be a scenario like this in the future:

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Ah Chong says to Mutu behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mutu replies.

"There's a diagnostic computer down at Giant. Just give it a urine sample and the
computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.

It takes ten seconds and costs ten ringgit. . A lot cheaper than a doctor you know!"

So, Ah Chong deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Giant.

He deposits ten ringgit, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Giant."

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Ah Chong began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Ah Chong hurries back to Giant, eager to check the results. He deposits ten ringgit, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!

Thank you for shopping @ Giant!

Bored?

September 2, 2006 20069 1:30 pm | In Funny | 2 Comments

Weekend Fun!

An elderly man joins a very exclusive nudist colony.

On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did you call for me?"

The man replies, "No, what do you mean?"

She says, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me."

Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and as he sits down, he farts. Within minutes a hairy man lumbers out of the steam room toward him.

"Did you call for me?" says the hairy man.

"No, what do you mean?" says the newcomer.

"You must be new." says the hairy man, "It's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me."

The man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.

The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist.

"May I help you?" she says.

The man yells, "Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $250 membership fee.

"But, Sir," she replies, "you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities."

The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month. I fart 15 times a day."

Merdeka, Jabs and a Joke!

September 1, 2006 20069 12:19 pm | In Funny | Comments Off

Happy belated Merdeka to all! So what happened to me on this special day? Took 5 jabs for vaccinations against Yellow Fever, Tetanus, Diphtheria, Polio, Hepatitis B, Meningitis and Typhoid!!! Luckily I was immune to Hepatitis A, otherwise there'll be another one…*phew*, hope I won't suffer too much from the side effects.

Anyway, here's a joke for all:

A pretty teacher was concerned with one of her young students so she took him aside after class one day.

"Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"

"I'm in love," replied Little Johnny.

Holding back an urge to smile, the teacher asked, "With whom?"

"With you!" he said.

"But Little Johnny," said the teacher gently, "don't you see how silly that is? Sure I'd like a husband of my own someday… but I don't want a child."

"Oh, don't worry," said Little Johnny reassuringly, "I'll use a condom"