Tales from the barnyard

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets" and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells. The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, and a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate.

The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing.The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. But to Farmer John's amazement, Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of Butch, he entered him in the Boone County Fair and Butch became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result. The judges not only awarded Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well. Clearly Butch was a politician in the making: who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?

Tourist in my own City

It sure does feel different if you're bringing foreigners out to KL city, and these are some things I noticed:

1. People give out cards titled "Health Centre" with Japanese words on it to you at midnight in Bukit Bintang. A Japanese friend translated it as "Cute girls from 17-24 years old".
2. All the aunties on the streets will start showing you pictures of girls in a folder and ask "Massage?"
3. Ladyboys hang out around Starhill in pairs and you won't think they are guys till they speak.

Not to my taste!

I happen to be on a week-long course recently with a bunch of ppl who came from all over the world, from South America to the Middle East to China and it's interesting to know that Malaysian food isn't really to all their liking despite us all Malaysians thinking Malaysian food's the best in the world

Anyway, initially everyone was ok with the food but this is what I got from their response after a week of Malaysian food:

(from a Saudi guy) too spicy, I would like some American food please.
(from a Peruvian) only their fried rice and satay is ok.
(from a French guy) Bak Kwa tastes like…rotten candy
(from a Syrian) I can't understand how you guys can mix all flavours together: sweet & salty?
(from a Taiwanese) The more I drink the soup, the more thirsty I get, do you know why?

and the list goes on…

Crocs' Diet

not that I'm not liking all politicians, but this is too funny to be left out…lol:

Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake in Putrajaya.

The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it."

"Well," said the big Crock, "what have you been eating?"

"Politicians, same as you," replied the small 'Crock.

"Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?"

"Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Parliament House."

"Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?"

"Well, I crawl up under one of their BMW cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them and eat 'em!"

"Ah!" says the big Crocodile, "I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase.

An Indian chief had 3 wives

This is the most bizzare joke I've ever heard. Will need some thinking on the last part…

An Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant.

The first gave birth to a boy.

The chief was so elated he built her a tepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy.

The chief was very happy. He built her a tepee made of antelope hide. The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret.

He built this one a two story tepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. He challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred. Many tried, unsuccessfully.

Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys.

"Correct," said the chief. "How did you figure it out?"

The warrior answered, "It's elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."

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in case you didn't get it:

A play on words, Pythagorean Theorem is, for any right triangle, the square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides.