A Real Cowboy

An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

A man goes to the doctors…

A man goes to the doctors and says, "Doctor, you've got to help me, it's my leg - it keeps shouting at me and demanding money"

The doctor puts his stethoscope at the top of the man's leg and listens.

The leg shouts "Give me £20! Go on, please, I'm skint.

The doctor jumps back in amazement.

He does the same at the knee and it asked for £15 and then the ankle and is asked for £10.

The doctor turns to the man and says, "I've never seen anything like this in all my career, but I can tell you
what's wrong.

Your leg is broke in three places"

The Hippie and the Nun

This is disgusting…but it's funny…lol:

A hippie gets on the bus and spots a pretty young nun. He sits down
next to her, and asks her "Can we have sex?"

"NO," she replies, "I'm married to God."

She stands up, and gets off at the next stop. The bus driver, who
overheard turns to the hippie and says "I can tell you how to get to
have sex with her!"

"Yeah?" says the hippie.

"Yeah!" says the bus driver. "She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday
night at midnight to pray. So all you have to do is dress up in a robe
with a hood, put some of that luminous powder stuff in your beard, and
pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God."

The hippie decides to give it a try, and arrives in the cemetery
dressed
as
suggested on the next Tuesday night.

"I am God," he declares to the nun, keeping the hood low about his
face.

"Have sex with me."

The nun agrees without question, but begs him to restrict himself to
anal sex, as she is desperate not to lose her virginity.

'God' agrees, and promptly has his wicked way with her. As he finishes,
he
jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish.

"Ha-ha," he cries "I am the hippie!"

"Ha-ha," cries the nun. "I am the bus driver!

The patient who knew all the answers…

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to see a gynaecologist. The doctor takes one good look at this woman and his professionalism is a thing of the past. Right away he tells her to undress.

After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does he says to the woman: "Do you know what I'm doing ?" "Yes," she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities." "Correct," says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now",he says. "Yes," says the woman, "you're checking for any lumps or breastcancer." "That's right," replies the doctor.

He then gradually proceeds to having sexual intercourse with her. "Do you know," he pants "what I'm doing now?" "Yes," she says. "You're getting herpes."

Disappointing…

A teacher was taking his class of 12 year olds, and he asks them "Can anyone tell me what part of the body increases to 10 times it's normal size when stimulated?"

There is silence from the class, so he asks the question again.

One little girl called Mary stands up and says "You shouldn't be asking questions like that to your class. I think it's very horrible and I'm telling my parents who will tell the head master and he will have you fired!"
The teacher ignores her out burst and carries on

"Can anyone tell me the answer?"

One boy, Timmy, raises his hand and says "the part of the body that increases to 10 times it size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."

"Very good Timmy" the teacher replies. He then turns to Mary and says "I only have three things to say to you young lady. One, you have a dirty mind. Two, if you did your homework you would have known the answer, and Three, one day you're going to be very very disappointed."